A time came a little bit ago where I almost ended blogging. You see, in my type of blogging I end up making tons of blogging friends who are also living with Infertility. Well, it's come to a point where 99% of those bloggers became pregnant. And their blogs then instantly turn to a pregnancy blog. That's fine, it's their blog, they're gonna blog about what they wanna blog about. But do you know how hard it is to open up your blog homepage and see update after update of pregnancy news and ultra sounds pictures when that is the only thing you want and can't attain?
But. I noticed this week I no longer cringe at such news. I can accidentally come across someone's beautiful baby bump picture (via facebook, blogging, etc) and not cringe or instantly cry. I actually smile. *gasp* I thought I had forgotten how to smile?
I'm glad I am finally able to be happy for people who deserve it. I'm glad I've moved past that unbiased discrimination.
__________
However. I've noticed a shift. I now cringe when I hear of a new adoption match. I know I should be happy. I am happy for them. But. I'm frustrated that we aren't matched yet. I'm irritated that we're still waiting. I want my baby. So now I must figure out how to overcome my inner jealousy in this realm in order to be happy for those who deserve it.
I'm sad for what we still don't have, but that shouldn't interfere with genuine happiness for others who are blessed with children.
_________________
Music and dance speak to me. Therapeutically speak to me. This following clip from So You Think You Can Dance reminds me of the struggle that Josh and I endure with trying to have children. We take one step forward and two steps back, but we always have each other:
"Don't give up trying to find your way. But do remember that sometimes it takes bending to avoid breaking." -Katinka Hesselink
99 comments:
This brought tears to my eyes Yaya...I pictured you and hubby...doing this 'dance' of life you are both in...had to stop typing so I could wipe my tears..((hugs)) I love you precious one .....thank you for sharing such an honest post,,thank you for sharing your life like you do...sigh...
I wish I had something at all comforting to say; there truly aren't any words.
Oh YaYa...first off, I love that song. Do you follow Roxy @ At the Porch Swing? She has that song on her page. I love it.
Secondly, that lady dancing reminds me of you dancing and I was smiling big while watching it, thinking of your silly ass dancing all over.
You know that I have no reason to think I cannot conceive. I haven't tried so I ASSUME I can. I have told you before how scared I am that I won't be able to. Being as that I think I can, I STILL get annoyed and roll my eyes at the "my life revolves around my baby" mentality. I CANNOT imagine how pissed I will be if I am not lucky enough to become a mother. I am already secretly jealous of pregnant women so I can't imagine I will do any better than you do if I never am.
I have already decided that if and when it does happen for me I will create a whole separate blog for that. My blog is mine alone and the last thing I would ever want to do is rub it in peoples faces...or lose myself in Motherhood. I have thought about this before, with you and a few others in mind, and that is what I will do. Oh, and for the record, the blog name will NOT be "iamamommy" or "mybabyblog" or "fertilemyrtle"...I promise.
I love the hell out of couples that actually get out and DO stuff ALONE together! Those people are awesome!
Hang in there! Your day is coming! I know that is hard to say since I am not in sure your shoes, but you are very deserving and you will not be forgotten. What I have learned to everyday is test and if we focus on passing, the results will be worth it.
Hey Yaya, I took the summer off and am only starting to catch up on everyone else's posts that I missed. I have to go back and read all your previous posts about the beautiful children that I see in your sidebar. I am sorry you are feeling down again, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Infertility is harder than anyone who hasn't been through it to ever understand. I know it pales in comparison, but I had over a year of trying to conceive my son and over two years and fertility treatment to conceive my daughter. Over three years of a broken heart and although it ended well for us, I'll never forget how I felt during those years. The bitterness and jealousy and pain.
I remember going to the hospital and visiting a friend who had just had her baby. She asked if it was hard for me. I just said, "you know, when I started trying, you weren't even married yet."
I wish you all the best in your adoption endeavors. Hopefully you'll be matched soon.
Learning to live with feelings of jealousy, resentment and anger is something that I've had to deal with over the past few years to. For different reasons. But I know how difficult it is. I to get thoroughly naused off by constant preggo/baby news because it reminds me of something my husband went through with somebody else and that I will never be the one that MAKES him a father. I also get naused off by perfect little nuclear families. As that is something I will never have. I'll always be the childless wicked stepmother.
I know how hard it is to feel that way, and also, how hard we are on ourselves as a result. What you are experiencing are perfectly normal feelings for somebody in your shoes.
Don't ever give up blogging! For me it is great therapy and keeps me sane!
Keeping everything crossed for you that your adoption comes through soon.
LBM xxxx
What a heartfelt post. I think all of us harbor some type of jealously - over other people's success in general- be it with kids, or job-related, or in their "fantabulous" relationships. I'm working very hard to conquer that myself. The symbolism of the dance as it relates to your situation is very powerful.
That's a beautiful post, and so heartfelt. The one thing I'll say is, don't feel like you now have to pretend to always be okay with preg. announcements and pictures just because you said you are today. It's going to be hard again sometime, and that's okay.
I really hope that your adoptive baby (or babies) are just around the corner.
((hugs))
I understand about the one step forward, two steps back. Now it seems to be one step forward and about 20 steps back. and the step forward is much harder to do alone. I am glad you have Josh to help you through, and I hope good things will come for you.
Oh girl, I am so sorry.
It's amazing that you are so in tune with your emotions, and no matter what they may be or what they may be about, as long as you are truly feeling them, God can heal it.
I am praying God will heal it.
Hang in there.
yep. i'm right there with you... when i read these adoption blogs... i read the first line and wonder if i really want to keep following or reading them...... i think you are brave and wonderful to keep doing your nanny job and plugging through this adoption process!
I can relate, though compared to your struggle I feel like I have no right to. My heart breaks for you and all women who so desperately want children and do not have them.
Scott and I will be adopting one day. We are not in the process yet, though. Scott and I wanted to wait until he completed grad school. He is almost done, but two things are beginng to happen with me eternally. One, I feel like I am ready NOW! All of a sudden and out of the blue. Two, I fear we will never have enough money to have the family we want.
I can feel the jealousy bug coming on, myself. I was never this way before. I was truly happen when friends/family would become pregnant or adopt. I feel like if I hear news to this effect in the near future, I might be jealous. This is new for me. I am not sure how I will handle it.
Beautiful post. And I'm sorry. I know I'm probably one of those that you don't like to read with the pregnancy news. I can't even imagine how hard it is...
And I agree with LuckyOnce. It's okay to be bitter. You don't have to pretend to be happy for me or anyone else if you aren't. I, at least, understand fully. And I won't hate you for "hating" me. :)
I love you, and don't like to see you sad, but life isn't alway sunshine and rainbows.
I wish you the best of luck in your adoption and TTC. I think of you very often, and can't wait to hear your news! I believe it will come soon enough. :)
Indeed a beautiful post. Sending hundreds of hope and prayers your way!
Your time is coming my friend. It's coming.
I am praying that your baby(babies) come home to you soon.
xox
::hugs!:: You are going to have a baby, I can just feel you will! I don't know when, but you will. :)
I love SYTYCD and Katee and Josh were 2 of my favs! Love that piece, gives me chills every time!
I know it will happen for you, Yaya. You are destined to be a mother. However that happens.
I am mad for you. I thought for sure you would have had kids with you. What the heck is their problem? They just don't know what they are missing in placing kids in your wonderful family.
Hang in there and know we are all rooting for you. Hugs
That video is a beautiful representation of your struggle
Alicia,
Wow! Your post gave me chills. When I got your email back (to the question I posed last night), I headed right over here. This post answers that better than any email could.
I am glad you are feeling more at peace with the constant bombardment of baby news, baby pictures, pregnancy news, etc.
I am guessing that this is an ongoing process and there may be days ahead where you are not feeling so peaceful with it all (I hope I'm wrong as I'm sure you'd just as soon have that behind you but it would be very normal if these feelings come and go, don't you think)?
Even if that peaceful feeling slips back into other feelings, I'm guessing you are going to be able to get back to this peaceful place more and more often. That's just a guess on my part watching what you and many others have been through.
It makes perfect sense that you are now struggling with similar feelings surrounding adoption to what you used to feel regarding pregnancy.
One of your (many) huge strengths is that you are so good at analyzing your feelings, processing them, and figuring out what to make of them and what to do about them.
This gift for being able to take the powerful emotions that are hitting you and deal with them to move forward and to not "get stuck" is just that... a gift. Many people would not be able to process such emotions as thoroughly or quickly as you do.
By you articulating your feelings here, you are helping others who are walking a similar path. You are providing healthy examples for how do deal with negative emotions.
That doesn't mean it's a one-size-fits-all scenario. What works for you may not be what works for someone else. However, the fact that you are finding your way gives others hope that they can find their own.
That dance was powerful and I saw it differently than I might have... simply knowing that it had moved you. The fact that they were dancing to an Adele song really got to me because I know how much you like her (as do I) and that just made it even more powerful.
That quote is absolutely, positively amazing. What an amazing quote and how perfect it was for this exact post.
I have tears in my eyes after reading this post. You constantly amaze me.
Jeanne
I'm glad you are finding peace... at least with one part of your life. I hope you find it everywhere. I struggled with getting pregnant for a few years. I remember hating people who were pregnant. and hating those with babies who would then complain about having to wake up at night even more. things like that. You are not alone in your feelings. And you are not a bad person for feeling them. Those feelings are natural. If you did not feel those things then you would not be ready to be a mother. You are ready. It will come. One way or another.
My heart really goes out to you, Yaya. I've only been dealing with IF for 18 months and it's been a slowly growing hole in my heart.
You should have your babies. There's no fairness in this.
Yaya, I totally get your post...about the announcements in general. Pregnancy or adoption, they are just huge reminders of what hasn't happened yet. After so many, they do start to take their toll. I agree. Just wanted you to know that I'm always hoping for you and just waiting until the day I see the post of your fabulous news. It's coming. I just know it. ((hugs))
Thanks for your post. In no way did this offend me! I totally understand those feelings!! I had them for almost 10 years. In fact, I could have written this same post just last weekend. I just wanted to let you know that I hear you, I truly hope for you, and I can't wait until your dream comes true.
I can relate to this post! Just when hubby and I were to the point where we were BOTH ready to start TTC, I had a major medical emergency in June and now we have to wait again!! I am 33 and wonder if I'll ever be a mother!! My heart longs to be a mother!! I am getting teary eyed just writing this comment!! Please know you are not alone! Hang in there friend!! Our time will come!!!
Yaya, thank you for such a beautiful post. I cannot imagine the pain and despair you must go through. I really appreciate your honesty. Your in my prayers!
One step forward, to many to count backwards....why should it be so hard for those of us who want this? *HUGZ* ~sigh~ I do believe I need to add an entry to that one blog of mine now....
I faved your blog on Technorati
I have tears coming down my cheeks right now. I have never met anyone that know what I feel and I didn't even say it. You are there with me. I am here with you. One day we will be meeting up in Disneyworld so our children can meet and play. We will talk about all the things that we have missed along the way. I always tell people I am waiting for a baby so your kids are old enough to watch mine. :)
Love you yaya!
S
I just keep thinking that when it finally happens for you that it will be the most marvelous time of your life. The child you have either by adoption or by birth is going to be such a lucky, lucky child. You have an enormous capacity for love and patience. It will happen....we are waiting with you, holding your hand from bloggy land and being patient for you when you can not.
Big hugs to you!
~Lori
(Glad you didn't stop blogging! You inspire more people than you can ever imagine!)
I hope your dreams come true soon.
just stopping by again from
SITS to say hi; I have a couple of pics of my granddaughter on my blog today; if you don't visit,, I surely will understand!
I loved this post Yaya! I think your feelings in all senses of the situation are justifiable. I admire your ability to deal and cope...learning and growing! You are a strong strong woman! I admire you!
I hope the rest of the year will bring you good tidings.
I know things aren't always go the way we want them to, sometimes it seems everything is working against us. We know where to find comfort, it is all around us. Everyday, always.
Yaya,
I wish that someone would just listen to you and give you a baby. I know someone will. You are going to be a great Mom for sure someday. I just know it.
I can only say that you are a very strong person and I admire you in so so many ways!!!
Oh my sweet fellow red head... how I can feel your words... I too have sat & read the struggles of other women only to come & see the words "I'm pregnant" on their blog & feel like the wind got knocked out of my own stomach... & even the adoption thing. I see a family with a Chinese daughter & it makes me cry every time... I just want you to know - I'm glad you share your feelings & the way you feel & all your honesty... because if it wasnt for that, you'd be another person who would make me sad... but I look at you & find someone who I can still relate with..
Now, the day WILL come where I wont be able to relate with you anymore... but I'll be celebrating with you on that day... maybe a little heart broken myself... but I'll still celebrate with you!
Beautiful dance too... I can totally feel your own meaning in that...
I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this...
Just remember to keep the faith.
:)
Well at least you are trying to move forward and put out positive energy. This is a good thing yaya.
Oh, wow. Watching this dance through the lens of your interpretation brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful. Thank you very much.
i am in a sea of comments so all I'll say is that I'm sending prayers and love to you.
xo
What a beautifully honest post. It will happen, that much we know. It's the timing we don't know.
I'm so glad you can smile again. It's so easy to let the bitterness take over... so much easier than trying to fight it. You are strong, Yaya.
You never stop amazing me with your inner strength. You honesty is commendable and the way you continue to pick yourself up and follow your deepest dreams is truly inspiring.
((hugs))
Love that dance
I think it is great that you can smile again for others..
Your time will come...I can feel it!
It is so hard to be happy for others when you are trying so hard to be in their shoes...
I know it is not really a correlation but I somewhat feel the same way when my "normal-sized" friends talk about losing 5 lbs...when I'm like-good god, I need to lose 50X as much as them--and they lose 5 so easily when I can't lose 5 for anything!
I want to be happy for them--I really do...but I'm really gritting my teeth behind that smile.
Someday your baby will come, in some way or form. I hope that you have many coming your way - I think you would make a wonderful mom!! Sometimes I want you to adopt me!!
I feel for you. I really do. I know you don't want pity, well sometimes maybe you do. I think it will happen for you two. Hang in there girl.
I can not pretend to know what you are going through. Your honesty and vulnerability are truly inspirational.
You are meant to be a mother and you will be. The Universe is abundant and your match will come. Try to remember that seeing others be successful in their journey to adopt is just proof that you will be successful too. It will happen.
I've been here a few times before & see you comment on some of my other bloggy friends' blogs. I'm not sure if I've ever commented.
I don't know what you're going through on any of the levels you're talking about except that my best friend is going through it. She and her husband have been married for almost 2 years and she's infertile. I know the time length isn't as much as yours but a lot of what you write sounds as if it comes from her mouth.
I'm praying for your adoption process. I know it's probably so frustrating.
What a very genuine and heartfelt post. Words don't seem very sufficient, but my prayers are with you & Josh - may THAT match quickly come!
I am telepathic and I know something...I know that at 12:01 a.m. on 9/7/09, there will be TWO things for you at my blog ♥
http://theredheadriter.blogspot.com
Thanks for being my bloggie friend.
It is so hard to overcome that type of jealousy because it is different from any type of jealousy you've ever experienced. It's nice to know you've found your smile again. What I don't understand is how it is you guys are going through such a rough time. It's got to be frustrating as hell esp. knowing how many kids out there need you.
Been there myself. I'll just say this......
Once you become that "mom" you've been waiting to be, you'll know why you had to wait as long as you did. There's a certain child meant for you. And you won't be able to imagine having anyone else for your son/daughter.
At some point down the road, it will all make sense.
Your honesty is such an inspiration. So many people hide their true feelings. If I wasn't old enough to be your mother, I would want to be your daughter.
Yaya! I was totally the same way. Then somebody told me that adoption isn't a competition. You are searching for YOUR child, not someone elses. Sounds weird, but if you think about it, there are definitely children out there meant for you. We just have to find them...It's the journey of a lifetime!! Good luck, adoption is definitely going to teach us patience!! :)
*hugs* I don't know what else to do or say
((HUGS)) for Alicia. I love that dance with Katie and Joshua.
I have actually been worried about sending you any updates about that new addition, in case I hurt your feelings, which I never want to do. ANY news at all about the brother and sister you want to adopt?
Oh if only those adoption agencies would know your heart.. they should give you a baby already! You are a truly strong women and you guys are gonna be great parent to the kids are already put aside for you!Hang in there! I'm praying for you guys! Hugs >:D<
46 comments?! Holy moly lady you are popular!!!!! :) Anyway - ((((hugs))))) I am so at a loss of words. You will be matched and you will be the best parents. I am glad you don't feel that discrimination though. It's a move in the right direction and it's only the beginning of wonderful things to come! Just you wait!
Nice blog, I just emailed you.
man i just want to hug you! you wear your heart on your sleeve so bravely for all to see and it's so inspirational...that dance was amazing...you are going to be the most amazing mother...your children to be are so blessed!
That's an incredibly honest blog post. Not many of us would want to admit to those feelings of jealousy and yet I challenge anyone who says that they *wouldn't* have those emotions in a similar situation.
I've only been visiting here for a short while and yet I know that if anyone is deserving of being a Mum it's certainly you. Know that we're all standing by your side, hoping and praying that it will happen for you, and soon.
Ya Ya..i totally feel for you. What a wonderful honest from the heart post.
I think it's insane that it takes that long for an adoption match to take place when here in Ontario alone we have hundreds of children on the adoption list...and siblings are even harder to place.
May God be there by your side.
thinking and praying for you
xo
lisa in Ontario
I'm thinking of you and I believe in happy endings. Or beginnings, which is what it will be for you.
oh yaya!
it hasn't been 7 years of struggling for us....but we have been struggling.
i understand what you mean when you say when you should feel happy for others, but it is just so hard!
my sister in law, flake's sister, seems to have the perfect little life. always have, and i assume, always will.
she sent me a text a few weeks back that said "i want you to wait to get pregnant when i get pregnant. i'm getting pregnant in january. you should too!"
i saved that text.
i keep looking at it, with the most anger and frustration. i feel like i should get over it, but i don't think she understands exactly what it means to struggle. what it means to not have things work the way you plan them.
all i could reply to her with was "i'm taking whatever god gives me, when ever that is"
i would love, just once, to be able to plan something and have it work exactly as i have planned, but i realize, the easiest way to make god laugh....is to make a plan!
i'm praying for you and josh!
Dont get discouraged! LOL! I have to laugh. Im on hormones. They make me SO cranky and irritable Great for business but terrible for a marriage! haha They are suppose to HELP but they make me crazy! Maybe adoption would be a better choice. I dont know if you ever took the hormones they make you gain weight, loopy, forgetful and cranky. A super winning combination. I hear all the time about people who shift their focus to something else, suddenly the adoption or pregnancy happens. Take up knitting! haha shift your focus. It will happen my dear, just have patience oxox
Yaya, my heart goes out to you, and I applaud your honesty. You are beautiful inside and out, and you will have your child(ren) when it is the right time, and all these struggles will be distant memories. I can't wait for that day to come.
I am glad you are more at peace regarding pregnancy. I hope you are. My issue was only a few years, but I remember those times. I was angry alot.
I am just sorry and mad that this adoption thing is taking forever. I see commercials and billboards saying to adopt. Well, how can people when the workers are not doing their job!!
I must be in a mood. I felt a lump in my throat hearing the song.
{{Hugs}}
knowing that you feel this way might not quite help in making you feel better but it is still a good thing. when a door closes a dozen more open is the saying so keep on being strong...you are in my prayers everyday.
I am so glad to hear that you are making peace within yourself. Your time will come, Yaya!
I hear ya.
It's so nice to hear that you're slowly working through this and feeling better. Over time, it'll just get better. :)
((((HUGE HUGS))))
Your quote at the end of the post says it all.
That dance does seem inspiring. :)
How I hate this waiting you have to endure, no fair!
Just over a year ago. I was EXACTLY where you are...I finally KINDA got better with the babies, but all of the sudden the BABIES POST on chinaadopttalk.com site, did NOT even want to hear it was that time. And then hear that the wait disappears after your baby is home...I will never tell anyone that, because although she was well worth the wait..I don't know that I'll ever forget how the wait affected me. Anyway, the whole purpose (for me) of blogging is to get those feelings out and educate love ones on what not to say or "warn" them of your mood for the day. Just take it one day at a time and try not to feel gulity about your feelings.
Love Ya!
Hugs.
Acceptance should never be confused with "giving up" or quitting.
And you shouldn't be "accepting" the adoption process being so slow and so un..yeilding.
I know how hard it is to get over that jealousy and bitterness. While I was desperately ttc, my sister got pregnant 3 times. Each time she totally rubbed it in my face every opportunity she could.
I'm certain that you will find your adoption match! The hardest part is waiting! :( When it happens for you, it will all have been worth it! And it will probably be the best match for you!
Are you guys up for fostering? It can be difficult, but I do know a few people ultimately looking to adopt who were fortunate through the foster/adopt route.
I'm sad for what we still don't have, but that shouldn't interfere with genuine happiness for others who are blessed with children.
You said it best yourself, right there. But does that mean that you can automatically switch off your emotions? Nope. You have to work through it, just as you did with the other stuff. And you will, because you're a good and caring person. Just give yourself time.
Justine :o )
Very touching post, girlfriend.
Sorry I haven't been around much. Hope to be around more now...
Always thinking of you.
Oh I hope your time comes soon, you so deserve it!
All the "I'm sorrys" in the world won't take away that pain...but for some reason that's all that seems to come to my mind.
Hang in there Yaya...your time will come!!!
I wanted to say something about growth or progress, but then I thought, I don't really know what I'm talking about. Whatever this change is or means Yaya, I am happy for you that you can greet pregnancy news without the pain that it once was. I will continue to pray that you get your heart's desire soon.
I'm so glad you're able to look at preggies in a different light. I just had the same realization lately too! Isn't it nice to just be at peace with other people's fertility.
I'm sorry adoption is taking so long. I really hope & pray that your children will find their way to you soon.
I'm so glad you're able to look at preggies in a different light. I just had the same realization lately too! Isn't it nice to just be at peace with other people's fertility.
I'm sorry adoption is taking so long. I really hope & pray that your children will find their way to you soon.
I am still continuing to pray for you. You are a sweetheart and it's so hard to wait. Waiting pretty much sucks! You are loved.
I cried for 9 years. NINE FREAKING LONG HEART-BREAKING YEARS!!!
You WILL find a match, plain and simple. You will.
I am still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers - like others have mentioned, your 'destiny' is to be a mommy one way or another... It's the 'hurry-up-and-wait' part that sucks pond water! Hope you are able to realize your dreams soon - if anyone deserves it, YOU do. ((HUGZ!))
Wowzer, I TOTALLY understand, I remember the first time I was excited for someone despite my own sadness and struggle. It's such a freeing moment and I'm glad you had it.
I will pray that it will come quickly with the adoption cringe...and that you can experience that joy for others in your same situation. Something my Pastor says that I find helpful, is if everyone around you is getting blessed and you aren't don't get mad get excited because God is in the neighborhood! =] I like that. It WILL work out, keep your chin up darling.
That video brought tears to my eyes...I know my journey has not been as long as yours, but that pain I know, and long to part with. I'm glad you are my friend, thanks for sharing this, I might copy it onto my blog I liked it so much.
I'm glad that you are going to keep blogging. =]
I'm so glad that you can be so honest and upfront with how you feel because I believe that there are a lot of people who feel just like you!
Even though I already have one child, I've been told by countless people I should be happy with the one that I have and I am, but it still doesn't take the sting of not being able to have more kids.
And I go to a church where there is someone pregnant every month...with their 3rd, 4rth or 5th child! I think I'm drinking the wrong water! :0)
((Hugs)) I'm so sorry for what you have to go trough, and I hope soon everything will be just the way you want it!
oh yaya. i love your honesty and it is perfectly fine (i think so anyway) to feel jealousy and bitterness at times. it's hard not to.
i find myself jealous and bitter when my girlfriends complain about their moms or get upset that their moms won't be able to stay longer after they have their babies. I will never get to have another fight with my mom or get parenting advice from her. and it just ticks me off, but like you, i'm able to smile these days -- some times.
You'll get matched don't worry. I know how frustrated it must be for you. My brother went through the same thing. When your time is right you will get your baby!!
I cannot fathom the depths of your pain. It would be so hard to want something so badly and then see everyone else get it... even when they don't want it as much as you.
I hope you get to adopt soon! You are a great lady and I have hope for you Yaya.
The fact that you can recognize this is huge - you need to know that! I think you are an incredibly empathetic woman, and you feel things a bit more deeply than most of us do - I would cringe too, and I do over certain things in my life - these days its people getting engaged and finding new boyfriends...
Anyway - I am always grateful for your incredible insights in my life, and I am glad you have the same insight in your own life. The babies will come, no matter how the come, they will come and they will be so very lucky to have such an empathetic and insightful Mommy!
xoxo
Truly love you my friend.
I wish I could say that I understand and suggest something to help...but unfortunately the only thing I know is pain for a friend who is hurting. Good news is coming. It has to be!
I pray you are blessed with a child soon. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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