Resolve on Mother's and Father's Day

Resolve is The National Infertility Association.

I know Mother's Day is a few weeks away, but I saw this in Resolve and wanted to share it here because it's on my mind. Mother's and Father's Day are very hard for people with Infertility. Imagine having two holidays surrounded around the one thing we are trying with every fiber in ourselves to attain, and we are unable to be celebrated on those days. 

We have had miscarriages, and in my heart, I am a Mom. So why am I not recognized on Mother's Day? Why am I left out of being celebrated on that day? 

Last year (soon after one of our miscarriages) a family member asked me what we should do for Mother's Day and I replied something like 'whatever you think we should do!' and she looked at me and then looked to a member of the family that just had a baby and said 'Well you're actually a mom now so you get a say in what we do.' And my heart broke. We now no longer participate in family events on Mother's Day because it is too much for me emotionally.

So while the following letter written by Resolve is intended for the clergy, it is actually helpful for people in all realms of life to realize what we endure on Mother's and Father's Day.

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"Dear Member of the Clergy,

As you prepare your Mother's Day and Father's Day religious messages this year, please consider that 1 in 8 couples of childbearing age are struggling with infertility. These particular holidays are two of the most painful days for those struggling to have children.

Although this condition is rarely physically life threatening, it can be devastating to a person's sense of hope. Couples often endure monthly cycles of emotional roller coaster rides, ranging from optimism to despair and depression. Infertility sometimes lasts for years and people often go through this experience in isolation, as their desire for a larger family remains unfulfilled.

Many religious and social events revolve around children, and couples without them may feel uncomfortable or left out of activities altogether. Because the topic of infertility involves reproduction, it is an extremely personal problem that couples face. For this reason, it is often a very difficult topic to discuss, even with a trusted rabbi, priest or pastor.

As you prepare for the upcoming holidays, please remember the couples in your congregation that have infertility. Infertility is the inability to conceive a child after one year of unprotected sexual intercourse. Infertility is also the inability to carry a pregnancy to term, so persons who have had a miscarriage or who have lost a child by stillbirth struggle with this condition too.

We ask that you keep these points in mind, particularly during worship services, and that you remember couples with infertility in your prayers as you honor all the mothers and fathers in your congregation.

If you would like more information about infertility, please visit the RESOLVE website at www.resolve.org.  

Thank you, in advance for your consideration in this matter, 
 

Sincerely, 
Your name."

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This letter is found here.

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Please don't discount or forget those on Mother's and Father's Day who suffer from Infertility, pregnancy loss or infant loss. They are moms and dads too. 

April 25-May 2, 2009

"Be kinder than necessary. Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life."