For starters, my in laws continue to gossip about me and my blog. What hurt me was that Josh did not stick behind me at first. We took a 2-hour walk on Saturday along the canal and talked. I mean really really talked. In depth talking. It was really good for us. We realized that along our path of life we are there for each other, no matter what. No one or anything should come between us, no matter what. We are each other's first priority.
And then on Saturday I got an email from a friend basically saying that she didn't want to be friends anymore. It totally threw me for a loop. I was so upset. I couldn't wrap my brain around it. I thought, what's wrong with me? What can do to change? Basically what it comes down to is that she has a baby and I don't, and she's moving on to Mommy-World while I'm stuck behind. The first thing I said to Josh is "I lost another one to the Mommy Club". But in all actuality, it hurts. She made a comment about how infertility has consumed my life. I thought, how could I make that not so? I thought, what can I do to repair this friendship? And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I Am Me. Relationships come and go, but I am me. I have to be true to me. Infertility is a big part of my life, and if others are not willing to have empathy toward that, than I need to accept it and continue on with life and living it the best way I know how.
All week I've been debating why I even blog anymore. I managed to hurt my in laws and one of my best friends because of my blog and Mommy Wannabe Club site in the same week. (Friend got on my infertility support group site and saw that I had posted how it was hard for me to be friends with her while she was pregnant). The truth is the truth. I don't regret writing anything. What many people don't know is that I do a lot of "behind the scenes" work because of Yaya Stuff. I have helped countless women through the emotions of infertility and miscarriage through emails. I have way more readers than commenters because many people find my site for infertility and miscarriage support. I thought, if I stop blogging, what about all those people I help? I like helping others in their time of need. I like being able to take my own experiences and use them to help others. It helps keep me fulfilled. If I were to give up blogging, what would help fulfill me? How could I still help other women in my situation? How could I continue on my path to raise awareness for Infertility and Pregnancy Loss?
So, yes, infertility is my life. It's hard not to be. When you are in fertility treatments you have to chart every single day of every single month. What cycle day is it? When is my ultrasound and bloodwork for this week? When do I ovulate? Should we do an IUI this cycle? It's constant. An infertile's mind never gets a break from the world of infertility.
I guess this post is jumbled, which is the way my mind has been this week.
But in the end, I have to remember some advice my Dad gave me once: Relationships come and go in life. Most for a short while, a few for the long run. But every relationship along the way serves a purpose. You take from it what you can and you move on when that time comes.
So as much as it hurts to lose a friend, I have to realize that this is just part of life. We all are continuing on our own paths of personal growth, and sometimes that causes us to grow apart.
"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. 'Pooh!' he whispered. 'Yes, Piglet?' 'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. 'I just wanted to be sure of you.'" ~A.A. Milne
Sundrenched World - Joshua Radin
91 comments:
I feel so bad about this, but I broke up with a friend after knowing her for years because bitterness consumed her life, and she took it out on me. The relationship was unhealthy for me, and the one source of drama in my life. I still feel guilty sometimes, like I abandoned her.
I think that you do a lot of good for others going through the same situation, on your blog. And it's helped a lot of people.
Yaya, I don't comment much, but I read your blog faithfully! I can't say that I know exactly what you are going through or anything of the such. However, I can relate in SOME ways. Granted, being upset about someone being pregnant when you are having infertility issues and the miscarriages is COMPLETELY understandable, your choice of voice, is just that, YOURS! You express your emotions/feelings outloud, in a blog, forum, etc. That is fine. If some people take it to heart, then so be it.
From all your blogs, I know that you are a STRONG person and that you will be a GREAT mother soon. Everyone chooses different path's to take in life. You win some, you lose some. Losing a friend just means you will gain 3 more. Atleast that is what I was always told.
As far as in-laws, in a marriage it's your choice, together. There are times in my marriage where we tend to disagree and at first, my hubby doesn't back me, but more or less stays out of it, then we talk, as you did. You guys have a strong relationship and have BEEN THROUGH so much.
I just want you to know that I may not be a friend, just a blog stalker, but you are always in my heart. I think about you sometimes and wish the best for you and your husband.
Always,
Crystal
Hugs being sent your way!!!
Unfortunately, alot of people have this fear of our "negatives" rubbing off on them. They can not imagine going through what we are going through and it's not that they don't care necessarily but they don't understand. They can not even imagine the depths of our grief and our longings.
I have lost alot of friends and I am no longer in contact with many of our family since I lost my daughter. In some cases it was them being unable to deal with my loss. In some cases it was me being unable to deal with their lack of support.
In any case, I guess we have the most horrible way of finding out who our friends are. But then again, it is natural order of life to grow out of some relationships, or for some relationships to change. Who knows if these relationships would have changed anyway or not?
Anyway, I hope you don't stop blogging, I think you're a wonderful blogger, and if nothing else, you bring a smile to my face when I need it. I only hope I can do the same.
I have had some really down days lately, I don't know, maybe it's the seasonal change, but it seems like alot of us are having down days these days. If you ever wnat to chat give me a shout. I'm online more often than not ( and I don't know if that shows how pathetic my life is or how dedicated I am lol ;) )
Anyway I hope this grey cloud lifts for you soon. ((hug))
I can see how you blog helps others, so dont stop...I'll miss your posts! You are such a stong person Alicia, you are inspiration! =)
Awwwww! ((BIG HUGZ!!)) I had a friend decide via email she didn't want to be friends anymore... turned out it was because I had outlived my usefulness for her agenda, she was one of those 'fair weather friends'. Of course it hurt like crazy, I had the same thoughts you did about how I could maybe repair the friendship - when I had no clue as to the actual 'why' of the severing of ties. Then I decided it just wasn't worth it - if a friendship is more one sided, it's not a real friendship.
You are who you are and that's why I like coming to read your blog - I wish I would have known you when I was going through my infertility and miscarriages, I know you would have made me feel so much better instead of so alone. I'm sure there are others out there that feel the same way. You have a special 'something' about you, and you have all of us 'invisible friends' rooting for you...we've got your back! ;)
Bottom line is be true to yourself - you need to do whatever makes you happy, even if that sounds a bit selfish, but it's a necessity to keep some semblance of sanity. ;) ((HUGZ!!))
Girl, first I would like to send you a hug.
Second, I will shout it YOUR BLOG IS FOR YOU.
Third. I am sorry your friend dumped you, but on the other hand who wants a friend like that anyway and I bet she would get into a Grade A HUFF if someone told her she was "consumed" by motherhood.
I fart in her general direction.
I love my blog and I think blogging helps keep me from surrendering to depression.
If your family does not like your blog, well lots of people do not like reality. We still have to deal with it. They can opt not to read it. I think if we were related I would be proud of you for reaching out to so many hurting women.
I am right now and forever inviting you to my blog to say whatever you want about WHOMEVER you want. Just through it in the comments.
Sounds like you've had a rough couple of days too. HUGS to you. I can totally understand where you are coming from with the inlaws. And although I have children, I can understand the feelings relating to miscarriage.
Sounds like Dad gave you some good advice - its based on the old saying - Some people come into your life for a REASON, others for a SEASON but some stay FOREVER helping to make you the person that you were meant to be.
Stay strong and true to yourself, and everything else will happen as it was meant to be.
In the end the most important human currency is kindness. Embrace those who offer it turn away from those who do not.
what a tough week. hugs!
First off, I love that final quote!
And I know I'm not going through anything near what you're going through, but I'm so mad about your friend! It's insensitive and mean. Of course you're going to be thinking about your infertility. It's hard to completely put yourself in someone else's shoes when you don't have the trials that other person has, but you can try!
At least you're seeing this for what it is, a test that will make you stronger and show you who your true friends/family/supporters are. I know you'll pull through this beautifully.
You can only be true to yourself.. to your own heart. Otherwise.. what is the point? Your desire to be a mother is an understandable one.. and that it has become so all-consuming is not at all abnormal. I have been there too. Thankfully I have a fourteen year old son. You have lots of support and people pulling for you. I am also sending LOTs and LOTs of hugs. =]
I can only tell you one thing people have to love you for who you are no matter what stage in life we are the essence is always there.
And the fact you are in the infertility train (I was there also with Samia even though I have never told you) and you are so dedicated to it means that you will be a great mom.
Oh Alicia I've been MIA so I don't know what all has been going on but i am so sorry for your hurt! Sending you hugs!
I am so sorry you have been going through this these last few days. As far as the friend goes, I say her loss.
She obviously didn't try to walk a mile in your shoes.
Sending hugs your way. I am so thankful to know you!
xox
I too read more than I comment and I am terrible about that!!!!!! I love your blog and don't want you to stop. I also love love love love love your Piglet quote and will probably totally steal it. :)
Please don't stop and please don't be discouraged.
Much love
Holly
....I can't say I know how you feel (because I hate it when people say that..).but I can definitely sympathize with you... After we lost our 3rd child to miscarriage, I felt very angry when a close friend had a "successful full term" prenancy... I don't know why. I just felt that way.... you can't change the way you feel.
Hang in there girl
BIG HUGS!
First - it's YOUR blog. You created it for a reason. I'm reaching here, but guessing it was created as an outlet for you. An outlet to vent, to rage, to cry. So I'm going to rag on your in-laws a bit. If they don't want to see, read, hear the vents, raging and crying there is a very simple solution. Don't read it. Period.
This is an avenue for you to pour your heart out where maybe, just maybe you can find some peace. And if you help other women in your shoes than it is a blessing.
I'm so sorry that your avenue has been marred.
I'm so sorry that your friend, although calling her a friend is taking liberties in my eyes, has deserted you.
Know I am here.
And while you're at it - give a big ole DANG FLABBIT at them all!!!
The gossip just irritates the heck out of me! My defensiveness is coming out and I want to just go and kick some booty for you! :) However, I can understand how those infractions can cause so much emotional distress. I am glad that you and hubby talked. Him being on your side is the most important thing. One of these days, they are going to realize how hurtful this has been. Going through infertility can't be easy at all! You hang in there! Sending you much love from KY!
I think that leaving a friend behind because your life went a different way happens. I don't think that she really meant to hurt you, but maybe protect you from some of the pain she believed you must be feeling.
But also, leaving a friend behind when they need friends the most is a horrible thing to do.
And your blog is YOURS. Drew reads my blog, and he gets hurt when he reads the posts after our fights. But my blog is my place to vent and alleviate my feelings, so that is what I do.
So so what if some people were hurt by what they read. I'm sure they just wish they had a place to vent about their lives!
Thank you THank YOU and again .. THANKYOU..... for putting into words what I could not spell out over my blog several times because family was reading my blog. Well, I have learned to just blog it anyway! Nope, no password protect... just let it flow. Sure, they talk about me behind my back, but little do they know I have ears not far from them that sure tell me the story if I am not able to hear it. What matters most in this all is that YOU And DH are happy. Family begins with YOU, DH and your future child and then everyone else comes after that. Yes, it might take a mountain climb to reach that child, but it is your climb/Jouney!!!! to tell. Sing is IF Sister. Sing it. Hell, I rocked the family again when I blogged that they would not like us adopting,,,, yup.. .my ears never fail me. Ahhhhhhh... it never stops. Friendships evolve, and resolve! Don't ever stop being true to you and DH.
Alicia,
That was so smart to go to lake for some quiet time! I was so happy to hear from you today.
It’s really awesome that you and Josh had such an in-depth talk!
I know it hurts but I’m so proud of you for accepting what’s happening. Your father’s advice about relationships was wonderful. It’s true that every relationship serves a purpose. I really believe that.
I read many infertility blogs, as you know. I have to say that the one that really seems to cover this topic in detail (how infertility affects relationships) is Coming2Terms. I just commented the other day on a post there about relationships between moms and infertile women. It was very interesting. This type of thing (infertility affecting friendships) is not unusual. I know Kelly Damron has blogged about this type of thing on Twin Peas as well.
Of course infertility has consumed your life. Having met many, many women who are infertile via our local endometriosis support group, online, in my personal life, etc... I have to say that it’s NORMAL to be consumed with infertility when one is trying to conceive... especially for years on end.
Your “I Am Me” poem really is the perfect outlook for such a situation. To be anything other than who you are would not be right. You have to continue on with living your life the best way you know how, like you said. To do anything else would be you betraying yourself. So long as you are following your gut and doing what’s right for you, you can’t worry about anyone who doesn’t understand that. Of course it’s sad... but your dad’s advice was practical.
As far as the “why blog anymore?” question, I can understand why those feelings went through your head. (I’ve had feelings like that myself from time to time). I’m very happy, though, that you recognize the value of blogging and that you’ll continue.
I know too well about the “behind the scenes” email support syndrome. I do lots of it myself and it can be totally overwhelming to keep up! I know you have helped many, many women. One of my blogger friends once told me that only about 10% of a blog’s readers actually ever post a comment. With all of the commenters you have, the number of readers you have must be just enormous!
Like you said, if you stopped blogging there would be many people who wouldn’t get much-needed help (because, let’s face it, no one can replace you!)
You are excellent at helping others. I think when people take their own experiences and use them to help others that it’s a win-win. The person helping gets the satisfaction of “giving back” and learns from those he/she is helping. The person being helped gets the benefit of learning from the “helper” but oftentimes shares great insights too.
Everyone wins. I know I do the same thing as you... try to convert my experiences into a way of helping others. It is fulfilling and rewarding on so many levels.
At this point in your life, I think your blog is a fantastic way for you to help others, to inform, to vent, to educate, etc. It’s something you’re very good at!
Anyone who has ever been infertile or spent a fair amount of time interacting with women who are infertile has some level of understanding of just how grueling, exhausting, and (yes) consuming infertility is. Some understand this better than others as everyone has a unique perspective but certainly becoming “consumed” is a very common thing with infertility.
Yes, it hurts to lose a friend. Yes, it’s normal to be hurt, sad, and upset about the loss. However, your dad’s advice really is helpful.
While infertility was an issue in this case, I think it’s important to note that there can be many reasons for people to grow apart. I know in my 20s my relationships didn’t always last (as I just assumed they would indefinitely) and it hurt. It wasn’t any one factor. It was truly a “growing apart” type of thing, though.
Every relationship serves a purpose is so true. It really does. I believe that.
I’m very glad that you had some peaceful time by the lake today. You needed that. :)
Yes, you are you. I happen to think you're a pretty good you. I'm sorry about the friendship. That's a tough one because I'm sure that as much as infertility is a huge part of your life, her baby is likewise consuming her life.
I'm glad you've decided to keep blogging. While I personally haven't been there, I can tell tat you help a lot of folks. And I'm sure they help you too.
I am sorry to hear your heart is going through more heartache. I would be very sorry if you stopped blogging, I love reading your blogs. Even on your bad days I love reading your blog, it is uplifting knowing that I am not alone in my infertility. (Yes, I have one already but can not seem to carry another past 8 weeks.) Thank you for being you.
First of all, you are helpful. In so many ways, but mostly you let others know that they aren't alone. That is something that could have made my 7 years of infertility a tiny bit less awful... and a tiny bit can go a long way during years of bitterness. Along with that, though, is the life-consuming thought-process you talked about in this post. It's everywhere all the time. Nobody understands that unless they've been there, which is why it's so important to spread the word and give support to others. I'm thanking you for every woman who finds comfort in your words, because some of them might feel a tiny bit better because of you.
And Sheyla loves you, so that's something positive for the day! :)
Yet another post that touches deep to my inner core. It really gives me something to think about as well. Thank you for these posts.
As for debating why you blog, you answered that for yourself. Have you considered that helping others with the same problems just might be your calling? Your life's purpose? True friends will understand this and accept you for who you are. Yes, the infertility is consuming, but it's your life. Friends that leave because of it are much too shallow to be having as friends anyhow.
I agree that you should be true to yourself. I have four kids and I never feel as though I have to pull punches or be less of myself because of your situation (I do, however, hope and pray that you'll find resolution whether it be through your own pregnancy or adoption) and you should not need to be less of yourself either -- whether that is sad, frustrated, happy or scared -- just be you. You help many others with your honesty, but if you have to live a facade to maintain a friendship is it really worth it?! Chin up, Alicia/Yaya :) I've got your back!
Ugh- so sorry to hear about all of that. I hope you had some Cadbury Eggs today!! :)
Hope this week goes better!
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I have to tell you when I dealt w/ infertility for 3 yrs it was so hard for me to be around pregnant friends and I felt incredible guilt for my feelings,I resented them, but guess what I learned that it is so normal to feel that way and the best thing you can do for you is express how you feel. Infertility sucks and no one understands it unless they have been through it, it was one of the darkest times in my life and I think what you are doing is great, not talking is worse. Do not change what you are doing Yaya!
I am not a Mom, but I totally get why it is hard for you to be around pregnant women. I know it helps that I have learned a lot from you and my other blog friend Brittany, but I still think it would be quite understandable, being hard to be around someone who so easily has something you are spending your life trying to obtain.
Being around someone who is always bitter can be too much sometimes, but I don't find you bitter. I see the sadness, but you also share the unique goings on in your life and are funny too. This is YOUR blog, you need to talk about what is on your chest. If the in laws don't like what they read, tell them to NOT read it. And a true friend will stick by you, or return to you and be sorry for what they did. It was her, not you.
The fact that you can help people because of your blog is amazing! You need to be who you are, don't be someone you aren't.
Such amazing love for you from Kristina P and Crystal today, Yaya. I am wow'ed by their comments.
Let's see if we can't pick up your spirits even a bit more, shall we? YOU WON the $50 gift certificate to Lisa Leonard Designs from the Chick Chat kick-off. Hooray for you! Send me your e-mail address and let's get it in the mail to you.
-Francesca
Alicia,
Please don't censor yourself...remain true and use your blog to give yourself peace and a place to vent. Do not bottle your ick away. And yes, I'm sure you help people...as well as making others uncomfortable. Who freaking cares? (do you like how I made sure to NOT drop the f-bomb?) This is your space and nobody else's.
And I agree, people come into your lives for a reason...that doesn't mean they are there to stay forever. Shit happens.
Deal as you will, sister.
(I'm smiling @ you right now...but you just can't see me:)
That is so sad your friend does not want to support you in your time of need. This is just another notch on her insensitivity post.
As I said before my family did not suppport me at all during my crap time. But....now my sister has remarried and trying to get pregnant and it is not happening as fast as she thought it would. She text me saying she is frustrated and that she is sorry that she was not supportive enough when it happened to me. I have to tell you, I didn't know how to take it.
Anyhoo, I think it is great that you and Josh are working it out and making each other a priority.
You took a walk by the canal? Do you live by some water source? Wow, I think that is cool. I would love to live by the water.
All I get is a big puddle behind my backyard when it rains.
btw, I love the Pooh quote. Made my bottom lip jut out a bit. You know, like a pout:)
I'm sorry that you're dealing with such heavy stuff on top of your daily trials with infertility. My twin sons were diagnosed with autism four years ago and it definitely separated my true friends from the ones that weren't. Many said they were there to support us, but they soon faded away for the same reason- they felt that our lives were consumed by autism. And it is. Whether I like it or not, it is my new world and the people close to me are from the autism community. As hard and sad as it may be, you need to move on, as your dad says and take the lessons you've learned from them with you. I think the best friends are the ones who although you may be on different paths, you can always relate and pick up no matter how much time has passed. This experience will strengthen you. Please don't ever give up on blogging.
I think it's awesome that you tell your story here and that you share it with your friends & family. I tried to hide my infertility problems from my friends & family when I was first going through them 11 yrs ago. I was blessed with a daugther after 3 yrs of infertility. Then when I was going through it again for 4 yrs, I shared more. But I was surprised by everyone's comments since I already had my daughter. People say the strangest things when they can't relate to what you're going through. It would be nice if they just listened!
I can't imagine why your friend would break up with you....but I could totally understand you not being comfortable with her new situation....I'm sorry you're having to go through this!
You express yourself very well and that is a gift. I think you help people by saying what they are thinking, letting them know it's ok to have uncomfortable thoughts, like "I love my friend but I'm angry that she's pregnant & I'm not."
Sometimes friends go in different directions. When I had my children, none of my friends had children. Some of them couldn't understand why I wasn't always there & they all got tired of hearing me talk about my kids. Some of them are still friends (and now some of them have little kids and tell boring stories) and some aren't. But "losing" my friends isn't about me being a bad person any more than you "losing" your friend. It's just time to move on. And it's probably healthier for both of you.
Peace and Hugs.
I'm so sorry this has all hit you in one week.
My husband has done that to me before. Nothing hurts worse then when he doesn't stick up for you in front of his parents! arg.....we had to have one of those in depth, long conversations. At the end of it we too realized that it's the two of us and we need to support and lean on each other ALL THE TIME!!!
Sorry about your friend. She obviously wasn't much of a friend to begin with if she didn't see that what you are going through consumes your life because of everything involved.
Hope this week is better for you, Yaya!!
Oh and don't stop blogging....I feel you have been a tremendous help and support to so many woman!!!
Hi Yaya. First I want to send ((HUGS)), then I want to tell you I admire the crap out of you. You rock. Ive said it before and i will say it again. You are an ambassabor of hope to many many women out there going through infertiliy struggles. Don't let anyone try to take that from you. I WISH you'd been around when we were struggling with all of our infertility stuff! Friends will come and go ("for a reason" & "for a season") but I'm glad you talked it out with Josh. He's a very important person in your life. Is infertility life consuming?? YUP. Is there light at the end of the darkness? YUP. And you will be just a passionate and consumed about your next struggle/project/adventure too. Be strong sister. Ant strong leader will have critics. It's just life. Hang in there! This too shall pass.
BTW - Congratulations on your $50 gift certificate from Chick Chat!!!
Hope it makes you SMILE!
Congrats on winning the Chick Chat giveaway :) I hope you have fun witi it!
Your post is not jumbled at all, it makes perfect sense. Your Dad gave very valid advice. I lost a friend in a similar way not too long ago. It took me some time to finally realize that she was only a good friend if my life sucked and everything was on her terms. It was a difficult thing to get through but it transitioned me to a new place in my life and now I have some wonderful friends that I might not have otherwise met.
You’re right; infertility is your life (right now). Wherever we are in our life place IS our life as it should be. That is how we are able to move forward. The problem is that your "friend" is unable to cope with her own discomfort and/or guilt feelings and should feel embarrassed that she was not the type of person that you could vent to. She is probably trying to mask over the fact that she could not be there to support you. You are hurt now but I believe you will be better off. You have so many friends who love you.
I have seemed to go through a season where everything I have said has hurt someone as well... I think you are exactly right - everything is just a season & a purpose...
You are loved & needed here... your insight - your humor... for those suffering from infertility - its a real thing... we need more people who are willing to be HONEST & speak the TRUTH! No matter what!!!
Breaking up is never an easy process...But sometimes it works out for the best. Your friend may have a baby but can she say that she's helped people out there deal with issues like infertility? I think in the long run you'll be much better off.
That is a whole lot of stuff on your plate to be thinking about. It must be hard - but you sound so strong (which I know is probably not always how you feel minute by minute). Way to be resolute with your feelings! Yay for Josh sticking with you! Yay for Yaya's blog!!
WOW! Honestly, you dont need her! Shes gonna be the worst mom ever! Watch out in 20 yrs when her kids rob you!
Sometimes I don't comment just because I have nothing better to say than the commenters ahead of me. Just know I love reading your blog and would be sad if you stopped, although I would understand why due to all the family drama.
You are doing a great thing with your blog. I wish I had something like this 17 years ago when I first started trying to get pregnant with my oldest son. The heartache of not getting pregnant month after month for 4 years would have been more bearable if I had had someone to talk it out with. My family didn't or couldn't understand because they were a fertile bunch who seemed to all get pregnant on their honeymoons. They couldn't understand the mood swings while I was on the clomid, or the depression when yet another pregnancy test registered negative.
Anyway, as I stated above, you are doing a great thing! Keep it up!
This is really so sad to me. Because the first thing you did when your friend dropped you like yesterday's trash, was to think of ways YOU should change. True friends don't expect you to change. They're there for you through EVERYTHING that goes on in your life, good and bad. You're honest and tell it like it is. So it was hard for you to be close to her while she was pregnant. That's totally understandable and something she should be able to understand. You didn't say "I don't want to be her friend", just that it was hard at that time.
I'm sorry, but people like her are not worth your time, energy and hurt. Stick with the people who enrich your life, lend you support, and GET who you are. Is infertility your whole life? I doubt it. I only know you through here, and briefly at that, but you seem to be a really funny, fun-loving person who has more to offer the world than ovulation cycles. Please don't put yourself in a fertility bubble and think that's all you are. You're beautiful, you're funny, and you're on a quest for a baby. I tell ya what. I'm sticking around. If you have a baby great. If you don't and adopt? Great. One way or another, you WILL be a mom. But right now, try and enjoy the things you do have. Your gorgeous hubby, your sense of humor, the friends who are true to you, and hey, ME. 'Cause like, I'm great ya know. LOL!
Love,
Justine :o )
If they left you, then that's their problem. You are a fantastic person to be around, funny, witty, charming etc. You know that! Some may see you as a bratty girl who doesn't get what you want, so you cry. The TRUTH is that you can't stand it, the people who love you most KNOW that! It isn't your fault, you can't stop them from thinking that you're stuck up because they're the ones that are stuck up. Their like Stupid Drivers- the ones that go 10 MPH in a 55MPH zone, THEY say they hate stupid drivers- because they don't know they are one. This is jumbled, but I guess a jumbled Post=Jumbled comment. I will still be here for you, best friend/cousin, whatever. I love you. It'll be okay. Don't stop blogging, it's the only way we keep in touch anymore! LOL!
I really don't know what to say other than I am so sorry for everything you're going through right now. I know it hasn't been easy and the heartbreak of losing a friendship can be unbearable. However, that being said, just know that you are surrounded by so many here who care about you. We don't mind if you need to vent about this and that...you have every right to do whatever your heart tells you. I can't say that I completely understand because I'm not walking in YOUR shoes, but I definitely do empathize and I don't like to see you hurting.
You are so strong, my friend! Pick yourself up, brush yourself off...tomorrow is a brand new day! Sending you big hugs!
Your dad is a very smart man!
I LOVE reading your blog! I think you should always remain true to who you are. This is who you are and that is perfect. You are such a beautiful soul and your words touch so many people out there. Always remain authentic to your own voice. You are strong, Yaya!
Please don't stop blogging!
Sending you lots of hugs!
(Congrats on winning over at 3babychicks!)
Oh my heart is aching for you. I can only assume if your friend ditched you it is because she was not the friend you thought she was in the first place. Her having a baby does not mean you are unhappy for her, but only that your heart desires a baby yourself. I can understand how your heart must hurt when you see others getting pregnant. Hang in there girl. *hugs*
I know you've already got a billion comments, here's one more of support for you.
Yes, infertility is your life, it's like those with kids talk about kids. It's only natural and I'm surprised any friend (especially a close one) wouldn't be understanding of that fact.
I think you're an amazing person to take such stand on an issue you've had to deal with for 6 long years. Others who have never understood infertility can get more understanding and gain more empathy for others from reading your experiences.
I'll tell you, part of it has been my own loss, but a bigger part has been following your story....but I no longer look at couples and wonder when they're going to start having kids and what's taking them so long. And what do you know? I now have a closer relationship with one friend who struggles with diabetes and they've been going through the adoption process also. And I discovered that my close cousin has been trying to get pg for four years now. She has a whole nursery stuffed in the back of a closet waiting for her "lucky" day.
If I hadn't learned a bit more compassion from reading your life, I never would've been open to hearing what's really up and letting them share with me.
What I'm saying is, you are an awesome, amazing person and please don't let all the insensitive people in the world ruin the confidence you have in yourself.
You help so many people out there by what you do and write... don't let a few negative nellies ruin it for you! I'm sorry to hear that your friend broke up with you. I think mine broke up with me too, but didn't even have the heart to write me about it... all of a sudden any emails that I send her come back undeliverable - she changed her email address and never gave me her new one... O should have seen the end coming, but it still stings.
I am so sad to read about the struggles you are having to endure with family and friends. It is hard enough that you are faced with infertility -- you need support! If people can't give you that, then good ridance. I think you have a wonderful thing here. You are a good, strong woman.
You are who you are, you should never apologize for that. Keep blogging and hang in there, it will be ok, someday. And in the mean time, maybe this awesom-ly crappy prize from me will make you feel better. Email me with your address please.
Honey if someone doesn't want to be friends with you consider it their loss and not yours. When you are trying to get pregnant it consumes you when you are pregnant, it consumes you and when you are thinking about it, it consumes you. If people can't be there for you no matter what part of that process, then you don't need them. Continue to blog because you are helping people who need to read your blog everyday so they know they are not alone.
I"m going to steal Cecilia (I think that's how she spells it)'s answer..part of it and say:
"Second, I will shout it YOUR BLOG IS FOR YOU.
Third. I am sorry your friend dumped you, but on the other hand who wants a friend like that anyway and I bet she would get into a Grade A HUFF if someone told her she was "consumed" by motherhood.
I fart in her general direction"
Then I will add my own part. IT IS HARD being around someone who is pregnant when you are not, esp. if you are struggling with infertility. Been there, done that, and there is nothing wrong with they way you felt during that time.
Like someone said earlier, your blog is your own, if they don't like what you are saying, click the X. That's what its there for.
I always laugh when I see your comments on other people's sites...you are EVERYWHERE...like Waldo, except you're orange. You spread positive thoughts like the black plauge. It helps others, it helps you. I'm glad you made the decision to keep on blogging because someone out there that you've never met, reads and needs you.
It's always so hard to lose a good friend. I've lost two good friends over the past year because of misunderstandings and now that I've moved, I'm gun shy making new friends.
Your honesty is so heartfelt and I enjoy reading !
Hey you win some you lose some. To me she isn't worth being a friend. I have lost several friends over the years and it does hurt. But like others have said they were in your life for a reason and now they aren't.
If you enjoy your blog why in the world would you give it up for other people? You help a lot of people and it helps you!
And the in-laws - well if it ain't one thing it's another. So like I say about mine c'est la vie!
I love your blog by the way!
Reason, season or lifetime...that is what relationships are all about.
Your dad is a smart guy!!
What kind of 'friend' actually says stuff like "I don't want to be friends anymore because infertility is consuming your life" What kind of insanely selfish and insensitive person says that??? You are better off, I know you don't see it now, but you are better off.
Well first off, you should never consider quiting bloggy land. And I for one love that your blog is honest and real and not fake and not perfect! That's why we all love you!
I just wanted to say that I applaud your decision to keep blogging... I write my blog for me and me only. I hope people get something out of it, but It is lighthearted and fun. You have chosen to share a small part of yourself with your readers and if people dont want to read all they have to do is X out. Keep blogging for you and those around you that you help. And dont sweat the in law stuff... it will pass. ((HUGS))
Yaya, from chatting with you via email I can tell that you are a loving person. As I've said before you have a right to express yourself. What you are going through has to be hard and I honestly couldn't imagine, but I SO believe that you will indeed be a mommy soon.
You are just who God was waiting on. :)
Love Ya!!
PS..I so laughed at your comment today! You and my daughter are hilarious!
hmmph! this post sort of gets me irritated at those other people! argh. k - let me ask you this:
How many people do you know that blog ALL THE TIME about their CHILDREN??? or their HUBBY's? Tons, right? Well - does that mean their "families" "consume" their life??? OF COURSE!!! Asking you not to allow infertility to consume your life is like asking them to stop allowing their families to consume theirs! AND it would also be different if you moped around 24/7 with a "woe is me, i have no baby" attitude. Which you DO NOT!!! anyone who has ever followed your blog will come to understand - that just like all of us - you have a GREAT attitude, with an occassional bad day! I love your blog because it is:
1)HONEST
2) EDUCATIONAL
3) SINCERE & HEARTFELT
4) HELPFUL
5) THERAPUTIC
and it helps me know that even though my trials may be different that i am not the only one that goes through them and that everyone has their own situations, and it does not mean that my Savior and my God love me any less than anyone else. It only means that I AM ME and He knows ME. And HE knows what trials I can learn from, what trials I will be able to survive, etc.
So - blog away sister... please, for the love of others, DO NOT STOP!!! and who cares about the vlog... this was way more important for you to get off your chest.
as far as the in-laws... maybe they will get over themselves soon...
good luck!
Alicia,
The comment from Family News showed that you're not just helping infertile patients directly but also indirectly!
That was so awesome that they posted how your blog has improved their relationships with those around them who are infertile (infertility which they didn't even know about until they became more "open" about the subject). That's really cool.
Also congratulations on the win of the $50 gift certificate from 3 Bay B Chicks/Lisa Leonard Designs from the Chick Chat kick-off. :)
Jeanne
You're a wonderful, generous person and you do a lot of good with your blog. People dealing with infertility appreciate your support so much. Those who haven't gone through it have no idea what it's like and how it does become such a big part of your life.
You have to keep blogging because you enjoy it. It makes you happy. It's good for you because it gives you an opportunity to vent, to share, to relate to other people, and to be creative. You can't help what you feel.
I told my son once, "Be good to your wife. Sometimes it will feel like it's just you and her against the world." It really feels like that sometimes, doesn't it?
When you wrote on my blog that you were contemplating yours I was hoping it wasn't in a bad way because I LOVE reading your blog and you have helped me so much, truly you have. I am absolutely no doubt that you have helped hundreds of other women too with your kindness and support and the way you are so open about what you've been through/are going through. But equally you have to do what's right for YOU and look after yourself first.
I've been thinking that you've been a bit quiet on blogland lately. I'm glad you've taken time to think things over and had a good chat with Josh. I am a big believer in good communication in a relationship - my husband and I have learned to really talk in the last year and it always helps.
I'm sorry your friend dumped you like that. I don't think it's fair of her to do that. Yes infertility is a big part of your life and who you are but it's not ALL of you and I don't think she was a real friend if she couldn't stand by you through this.
And you are right - at the end of the day you have to be true to yourself, otherwise life becomes very uncomfortable.
I think you are a beautiful and courageous person.
(((((hugs)))))
When Kyle was a baby, a good friend stopped talking to me, and I could not figure it out. Finally (a year later), she sent a letter that explained that since she had had a hysterectomy at age 22 (after her son was born), it hurt her to hear me talk excitedly about my baby, so she just didn't want to be around me anymore. Some people are just who they are and cannot be accommodated. And friendships that end for these reasons aren't worth keeping anyway, in my opinion. Keep on keepin' on....
Totally don't stop blogging! (Doesn't sound like you are but just checking!)... your dad is SO right. Relationships come and go, some are easy, some are hard. But we learn and grow from each one. Not all are meant to be long. Maybe it's in the short ones that we learn the most or help someone in their time of struggle. For whatever reason, we are placed in paths - all we can do is make the best of it. Sending thoughts of "planted seeds" and growing babies for you!! :)
Thanks for stopping by and supporting me! :) It's nice to "meet" you.
I recently lost a friend who is currently pregnant. She continued to send me ridiculously upsetting updates about her pregnancy and I just flipped one day. I later apologized, but she has yet to acknowledge it. So F**K her! I only want supportive and genuine people in my life right now. If your friend isn't up for supporting you in your IF journey, I think you should say F**K her too!!!
And what's with people "finding" your blog and reading it and then getting mad about what you wrote? No one IRL (except my sister) has my blog address, but they could easily find it if they googled me. I'd be so pissed and hurt though, if they sneakily read this. How dare someone do that and then have the audacity to get upset at you!
I'm not usually this angry - these two issues you discussed touched a nerve though. :) Sorry you're dealing with all of this right now.
I'm really sorry you're going through such a tough time.
I can't believe a 'friend' dumped you. What mom is not all consumed by her children, anyway?
Blogging is like all the things you wish you could say to your friends....
Oh Yaya. So sorry. That can't be easy to go through, but it looks like you've got the right mindset about it all. Keep your head up. I don't think that anything you're doing here on the blog is bad, and that you shouldn't give up something you like just because of what a few people feel about it. Keep your head up!!
:)
~Tabitha~
freshmommyblog.com
wow tough week....don't stop bloggin girl....we love it!!
you help many...and this is helpful for you I would imagine too!!
hugs
m :)
There must be something going throug the blogosphere, because this is the THIRD post I've read today where someone is struggling with telling their Truth vs appeasing.
In all three cases, Truth won. The fallout hurts, but is usually worth is.
Best to you, Yaya.
Hey Yaya... I know it's hard, but if you try to focus on the things you have in common with your friend more than that which you don't (which is nearly impossible because pregnant women are very consumed with being pregnant, they are what they are) it may not be as hard... I want to tell you that I struggled about posting my news on my blog because I didn't want you to feel like you lost another one to the Mommy Club... You haven't lost me... You helped me in your way through your encouragement all the time! I think I may have gone bonkers (I have fear issues, so sue me lol)... You can't shake me even if you try because You. Are. You. and I like that!
First of all.. do not stop blogging.
And as for your "friend".. I don't understand why she can' be your friend if you aren't a mom. That makes no sense to me and just sounds like she is being cruel.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this. I wish your friend could have been more understanding. If not then I believe you are better off. You help so many people here and have helped me so much with issues that are not infertility related. You were exactly what I needed when I was having so many problems and with out your blog, I wouldn't have had you. It maybe selfish on my part but I hope you continue to blog. You really do so much good and if your inlaws and so called friends cant see that, well, it's their loss, not yours. {{HUGS}}
Like you - and many of your commenters above - I also have lost a dear friendship. She just stopped calling me back one day. The end. I called and called - asked what I did wrong - sent emails - nothing. It took me a while to get to the state you are in now - it was her choice.
Please don't stop blogging - you are an amazing writer, and not only about infertility issues. I would miss you.
I agree with your father . . . good advice . . . a friend is there for whatever purpose at that time in our lives . . . then they are not or they may be later on down the road.
Keep your chin up!
I hope you continue blogging, no matter what.
Reading your blog has become a ritual in here, what would we do without you? :)
What a beautiful, sad and wonderful post all wrapped up into one. I'm sorry about your friend, but I so agree with your dad people come and go in our life we are lucky that some stay a long time and leave indents in our life. Keep up your strength and the truth it is what makes us who we are! Muah
Hard, Hard stuff! You are right, though, you are who you are (any much like the rest of us. Most IFers I know struggle when peopl around them become pregnant). I personally think you are always pretty chipper and look at the glass half full. You can't live your life for others. If your friends dont understand that...well I guess you know where that leads. The friendships that mean the most will last through this. EVERY SINGLE one of my friends experienced pregnancies during my IF (and all my female family members). I handled them all differently and some were harder than others. Every one of those are part of journey.
Hang in there, Yaya. You are doing things right!
I don't know how I missed this post.
And really, all I have to say is simple. I love coming by here and reading your blog. I really enjoy getting to know you. I hope you'll never stop.
I TOTALLY understand where you are at. I am going through some tough inlaw and friend issues myself as well as trying to conceive.
I'll pryaing for you and for peace to stay with you. Sounds like you know what to do, but it still doesn't make it any easier.
::BLOG HUGS:: & some smiles too! =]
Oh man. This is so sad for you. It must be very hard to have something so important that you do (this blog) be a bone of contention with people in your real life. You are amazingly honest and I think that is why so many people have found a safe haven here on your blog. You are honest almost to a fault and that is hard. But you are right .. relationships come and go. You take what you need and then let them go. And that Pooh quote is one of my favorites.
Keep being you.
I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. Really sucks nuggets that your inlaws are acting so childish. We like you the way you are so continue being you and we'll continue to come visit with you. (((HUGS)))
Oh Yaya, I am so sad to read about this. I can't imagine the pain all of this is causing. I wish I had the right words, but all I have is hugs and prayers to send your way.
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