Tonight was our last class in the 10-week MAPP session toward fostering-to-adopt. We still have a few trainings to fit in during the next month while we wait for our home study to be finished. Hopefully come May we're set to send out our profile to Zaynah's case worker and hope for the best. We've been thinking about Zaynah constantly. I know it sounds weird but we just have to have her. It's like she's "ours". She is the whole reason we even decided to adopt in the first place. We saw her picture on a database and said 'we have to have her' and away we went with this extensive adoption process. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it's all I can think about.
Tonight's class was on "Ending and Beginnings" and was basically a celebration night for making it through the 10 weeks of classes. I have to admit, the first few weeks of classes I was miserable and hated it and hated everyone. I was full of animosity for the birth parents that abuse their children that end up foster care. I was full of so much rage toward my own infertility and having to even do these classes in the first place to have a child when birth parents don't have to go through this crap. I also realize now I was toward the beginning of taking progesterone for fertility reasons each cycle and the ups and downs of hormones didn't help my mental case any.
Now...as time has gone on...I grew to like these classes toward the end. It "forced" Josh and I to spend quality time together one evening a week (without the tv or computers). It gave us a common drive in life.
I cannot believe we made it through. I'm so proud of us for doing this and not giving up and staying focused.
I also wanted to thank everyone for their insightful comments on my "bored vlog" below. You were all right and helped me snap out of a funk. I'm still "bored", but at least now I know why. We have been in overdrive for months with adoption and fertility stuff and now it's all come to an end. Classes are over and I'm not doing fertility stuff next month because my body and my mind needs a break from it all. So we're just waiting. And waiting is boring. There's nothing more we can do.
But then NikkiCrumpet commented that we should enjoy these last moments of being able to be "bored" and relaxed, because soon enough our house will be full and we won't have a second to think. So with that newfound approach I am making the most of my days. Last night Josh and I actually cuddled. I have no idea the last time we cuddled. (I know that sounds weird).
So for the next few months until our adoption is placed I will enjoy these moments that I have to "just be".
(PS Josh kept promising himself a double whopper after the last class...hence the BK bag in the pic with us.)
"We will have our baby, just not right now." -Roxy LeBlanc
