-Away-

We've had a tragic death in the family.

We'll be away for several days.

Hug your loved ones a little longer and say one more "I Love You". You just never know if it'll be the last time.

*Comments turned off.*

The UPside Of Adoption and a Favor

Hey Everyone.

I realized after a post on Sonja's blog that perhaps I've only been showing my bitter side toward adoption lately on my blog. I'm sorry if I've made adoption seem like it's all hardships and road blocks. I've failed to talk about many of the positive attributes that have arrived in our lives due to adoption. Yes, even while we are still in the "waiting" phase of adoption, I have already realized the true blessing that the path of adoption has brought into our lives.

1) A Better Marriage. Infertility and pregnancy loss was really wearing on our marriage. But adoption has totally brought us together. We went through our 10 week adoption class together. We went through the intense home study process together. We sit and pour over databases of children together trying to find our child that's out there in the world. This whole experience is a HUGE relationship builder. I know that this past year in the adoption process has helped our marriage. I know it has brought us closer together. We have this common bond that we were forced to go through together. In a pregnancy the woman is experiencing the process first hand while her partner is merely an onlooker. But in adoption, it's a team effort. We both went through "nesting" and similar things. We both went through moodiness and emotions. We did this together. "Team Jalicia"!

2) Finally We Fit In! For years we've been the "odd ones out". We've been the ones at the holiday party in a group of people talking about their kids while we talked about our dogs. For years we've had friends and family having pregnancies and babies while we sat on the sidelines, wanting to so much to be a part of their Mommy-Daddy Club, but just not being able to gain membership. But now we have a place. We have people we connect with. We have adoption friends who "get" us. We have people in the adoption world who understand our frustrations and rejoice in our path at the same time. I didn't embark on the adoption path thinking I would make friends from it, but I have, and they are some of the most amazing people I've ever met (both in real life and online). I had three experiences this past weekend alone where I felt like a part of the "club". The Adoption Club. And I love it!

a) We went to dinner at our friends' house on Friday night. They have one 6 year old son, but are experiencing secondary infertility. They are going through domestic infant adoption in the hopes of adding another child to their family. It's always nice to get together with these friends and be able to talk adoption and infertility talk.

b) On Saturday I went to Chaney's adoption shower. Chaney is a friend I made in our adoption classes. She is now one of my better friends in life. I am so excited that she has found her daughter in this world and is scheduled to go pick her up over Thanksgiving week!

It was refreshing to go to this shower and "fit in" to the conversation. I avoid baby showers where everyone is talking about pregnancy and infancy. But for once, I was able to contribute to conversations about home studies and matchings!

Me and Chaney!

c) I went to an adoption fundraiser for Parenthood For Me. That's right, the founder of PFM, Erica, lives in the same city as me! Erica hosted a bowling benefit for her non-profit organization that provides grants to people going through fertility treatment and adoption. She is truly a wonderful woman who gives so much of herself to helping others be able to have children, and not have to go into debt.

Me and Erica!

3) Our House Is Really Organized! Adoption forces you to clean and purge and organize your house in order to prepare for the home study. Especially our route of adoption where we are foster-to-adopt and have to abide by strict guidelines.

4) We Appreciate Our Together Time. Before we started adoption we didn't process that some day we will have children and that our lives will revolve around our children. We spent years on the infertility path thinking only of having a baby and not really thinking about the here-and-now. For some reason the adoption path has showed us that yes, we will have a child someday, so in the meantime, let's take advantage of our every day. If we want to go out to dinner at 9pm, we go! If we want to sleep in until 10am, we can! We know these little things won't be in our life much longer, so we're trying to appreciate them now.

______________

Where To Go From Here.

After Friday's post I realized something has to change. I've just been doing what I'm doing when I've got to do something more. I've got to advocate more for our child. We WILL have a baby. I never lose sight of this. I never give up hope.

Here's where you come in:

I took a tip from many other adoption bloggers out there and started an adoption website for us. If you, or anyone you know, are considering adoption, could you please send them to our site?

http://www.hopingtoadoptamiracle.blogspot.com

Our baby just has to be out there in this world. I can feel it. I can sense a Christmas Miracle. It's gonna happen. Will you please help us get the word out that we are trying to adopt by placing this button on your blog?

<br/><a href="http://hopingtoadoptamiracle.blogspot.com"> <img src="http://i485.photobucket.com/albums/rr218/yayaorange/DSC_2723-1.jpg" /></a>

I've got to advocate for us.

This WILL happen.

But I need your help.

Thank you in advance if you decide to post our button, or mention our name to anyone considering adoption. I'm so thankful for all of you out there reading my blog.

"We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness."

Matching Monday

More than 100,000 children in the United States are in foster care waiting for a home.

These children need a loving family, could that be you?

*Click on the child's name for more information.

Meagan

Age: 16

Location: New York

This active teen enjoys working a part time job and singing in the school chorus.

Jason and Jacob

Age: 9

Location: Oregon

Have you always wanted twins? These fun-loving brothers are ready for you!

Sierra

Age: 9

Location: Oregon

Be ready to fall in love with Sierra's infectious laughter!

Malakia

Age: 14

Location: New York

This teen is into crafts and sports and hopes to be a doctor someday.

"There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in." -Deepak Chopra

**Comments turned off for this post**

Orange You Glad It's Saturday?!

A little bit of ORANGE from my week to brighten up the weekend!

(Thank you everyone for your kind and uplifting comments on my post yesterday.)

My orange Fertility Goddess

My orange pillow I sleep with every night.

My orange salt rock lamp.

Did you know our bunk bed room is orange?!

The bucket we use to fill up the turtle tank.

Oh fine Squirt, you can be in this post too. ;)

Of course our flashlights are orange.

Orange wordle.

(Please vote for me in the e.l.f. contest HERE. You can vote once a day!)

Feel free to link up a post of YOUR favorite color (or thing).

Or you can email me your orange findings at yayaorangenanny(at)yahoo(dot)com

"Have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true."

Discouraged

*Feel free to not read this post. I'm too discouraged to write my typical Friday post.*

When it comes

To no end

And you try

To defend

Giving it all

Only to Fall

...Again....

When you fight

With no win

And you hope

With no end

Giving my heart

Only to restart

...Again....

-Yaya 11/4/09

I'm discouraged.

I spoke with the intern for my case worker (yes, at least SHE is doing something). She calls the case worker of the kids we are interested in every week to check in on their placement status.

It was all bad news today.

A) She can't get ahold of Brendan and Cole's worker. Frustrating. Why don't case workers answer their phone calls???

B) Heavenly and Damion's worker is "not ready to place them". WTF?? It's been at least over 3 months now and they're not ready to place them into a loving forever family? They'd rather keep them in foster care? So this means we're moving on. I can't keep pushing on something that isn't ready to be pushed.

C) Ummm...yeah...they sort of left out a HUGE piece of information about the little boy D. He has autism. Hello?? This would have been useful information! Josh has said from the beginning that we cannot adopt a child with autism. He works all day at his job with children with special needs and some with autism, so he understandably can't come home to the same scenario and be able to be the best Dad he can be. So this means D and his sister are "out".

So we're back to the start. Back to nothing. All these months and all this work and all this time and effort I have put into finding OUR child(ren) and we are back at the beginning. 100,000 children in foster care waiting to be adopted and yet it's near impossible to adopt them. I just don't get it.

Oh yeah, and I'm completely moody and irritable right now and I have no idea why. I swear I'd think I was pregnant except the dr. gave us a .0001% chance of pregnancy this past cycle. So yeah...unless there's some miracle, then I have completely unexplained moodiness and tiredness. (No, I'm not depressed).

I was talking to Josh about all of this adoption stuff and I kept saying "I just don't get it. When is it our turn? When will the karma shift our way?"

We've been in the adoption process over a year now. And we're no where.

It's disheartening. How long do we live out life in this way trying to attain this one thing? Years have gone by where we now look back and realize we didn't truly LIVE those years. We were too focused on having a baby. How many more years will go by that we feel unfulfilled?

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." -M. Scott Peck

*I'm very behind on visiting blogs. I'll catch up this weekend!*